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15 October 2011 @ 05:01 pm
[Fic] Onew/Key - Moon on The Water  
Moon on the Water
Onew/Key, 5021words, PG-13 for theme, Drama
Inspired by Kawabata Yasunari's 'Moon on The Water'. Probably the most depressing story I've ever written (although I insist that there's beauty in it). Consider yourself warned.





When Jinki told him about the news, Kibum was anything but believing. How could it be? Jinki of all people, with his optimism, kind heart and the undying smile on his face, could not be terminally ill. Damn, he shouldn’t be—when it hadn’t even been a month since they took the vow to stay together as life partners. Kibum hadn’t even gotten used to the feeling of the ring Jinki had put on his finger. But Jinki had not joked. He had smiled, silently confirmed, when Kibum with his trembled voice asked if he was telling the truth.

Yes, Jinki answered, the malignant Cirrhosis was there in his liver—had been for a while, killing him slowly, while in the process making as much damage as it could. And while the specialist Jinki had been seeing stated that there were possible alternative for recovery, he also implied that there were greater risks involved. They had been spending the entire afternoon to talk, when Kibum was soon become aware of the fact that they might not be able to stay together for long. And despite the fact that the younger man had tried his best to conceal his feeling, it apparently wasn’t enough to deceive Jinki. He seemed to understand the fear in his loved one’s eyes because a moment later, he spoke.

“You know...when I decided to tell you about this, I wasn’t expecting you to accept it. No, I’d be too selfish to ask you to stay. I wish I could have told you earlier—before we took the vow—so both of us could reconsider. But the test result had not arrived before last week—”

Kibum looked up at him with questioning look, and barged in the middle of his sentence.

“What do you mean? Are you trying to say, now that you’re sick, you change your mind and wish you hadn’t taken the vow with me?”

Jinki shook his head and took a seat next to his partner

“I was trying to say—someone as healthy and beautiful as you shouldn’t be bound to a man with death sentence, simply because a test result that came too late.” Jinki took Kibum’s hand and held it close; his eyes never left his lover’s, “Feel free to reconsider about this relationship, Kibummie. You deserve someone better than me, someone healthy. I’d die in peace if I know that you’d find your happiness even if it’s not with me.”

But Kibum had said ‘no’; determined and unwaveringly. With his voice shaken from emotion, he whispered “I won’t let you back away from our arrangement, no. Not for any reason you could find in this wide, wild world. You have no choice, hyung. You’re bound to me for the rest your life.”

The brusque statement had taken Jinki aback. He had never thought that Kibum could decide so fast. He almost felt afraid to ask further.

“Are you sure? This is a one-time chance. Don’t give me hope if there’s the slightest chance that you might change your mind. I don’t think I can take it if in the future you regret your decision.”

Kibum grabbed Jinki’s collar and pulled him closer. “No, you listen, Lee Jinki. If by chance there will be someone who stands at the side of your deathbed, holding your hand and suffer with you till the very last of your breath, then it shall be me.”

The statement, although harsh, had put a sudden end to Jinki’s fear, one that had been haunting him for nights. Jinki honestly could not imagine if Kibum decided to leave—how he would manage without the younger one’s presence, which he had grown dependent to.

“Well, at least,” Jinki said in the midst of his nervous laugh, “unlike AIDS, I won’t have to fear that I might infect you every time we had sex.”

Kibum smiled, at first, and leaned forward and kissed his lover. It was when he felt Jinki’s lips trembled, and slowly he himself began to loose his emotional resistance. Hiding his face in the crook of Jinki’s neck, they held each other close as Kibum openly cried.




It was not easy to tell their friends about Jinki’s illness. Despite the fact that SHINee had been inactive for years, they were still under the same management and had different activities, as well as remaining close friends. At first, Jinki intended to keep everything by themselves. But it was impossible if not absurd. His condition got worse in no time—his skin became yellow as his liver failed to function, it was too obvious to be left unnoticed. And if it wasn’t enough for questioning material, the sudden change of his habit was. In the end, they were forced to share the news.

His friends took it no less hard than Kibum. Especially Minho, who, in state of denial, had punched him hard on his face for ‘making a lousy joke’. He felt greatly sorry afterward, and cried on Jinki’s shoulder while saying that Jinki was someone who least deserve to be sick. That time, Jinki had laughed. In return, he said something about Minho’s words had paid every single pain the disease had made him through. The five of them had gathered in a hug then, something they had not done for years, and it was only their sob that was heard in the deadly silent that washed over them.



Few months later, came along the surgery.

After a series of test, the medical team who handled his treatment found a perfect donor for him. Through a five-hour surgery, they replaced his liver. Jinki went into unconscious state, much to Kibum’s panic, for several days after. On the sixth post-surgery morning, Jinki woke up to the warmth of Kibum’s fingers that were entwined with his owns, and he had shed joyful tears for God still allowed him to live.

After leaving the hospital, he took a long leave of absence, and with Kibum by his side, stayed at a private rehabilitation center. His conditioned improved quickly, and Jinki returned after eight weeks, feeling more alive than ever. He carefully stayed away from bad and dangerous habit, and treasured every extra second the new liver provided him. He and Kibum enjoyed their hard-earned happiness, and lived a perfect life.

...at least for twenty perfect months.

One morning Jinki woke up with a terrible pain on his upper abdomen and severe nausea. When he was found even unable to sit, Kibum quickly called an ambulance and brought him to the hospital. He had a two-night stay, for the doctor—the same one who handled his case before—needed to run a complete test regarding to the condition. It was when he was forced to swallow a bitter fact that the transplanted liver could no longer function. The doctor said it was delayed reaction; It was rare, but existent.

Jinki was given option to go through another transplantation surgery. The doctor explained that the risk would be bigger with the previous complication, but al least Jinki still had the chance. However, after nights of contemplating, despite Kibum’s and his parents’ tearful plea, Jinki had decided to let it be. He already had enough of the joy of life, and with a smile on his serene face, he told everybody—Kibum, the doctor, his family, and his dongsaengs—that he was ready.




It had been three years since.

Jinki was still alive, and with Kibum by his side, they had survived through a lot of things. They had moved to Gangwon-do, to a town a couple hours drive away from Seoul that seemed like an entirely different world. They bought a small country house on a quiet neighborhood, and lived on the amount of money they had made during SHINee days, as well as some smart investment that Kibum had made.

Once in a while Kibum would drive them to Seoul, during when Jinki had his routine check-up. Usually, they would stay overnight, and spent some time with their old friends and colleague, especially their former band mates. Each of them had led different life—Jonghyun became a solo singer, while Minho acting and MC-ing, and Taemin choreographed for a lot of bands and musical stages.

Their friends were glad to see them every time the couple drove to wown, while at the same time felt crushed to see Jinki’s condition worsen so quickly. They knew, however, that Jinki hated to see them with the sad look upon their faces, so they maintained their happy expression, and chose to relish the moment they were in the company of each other. When they sat together during the meeting, Jinki would be the most silent one, quietly staring at the familiar faces. He thought of the long, hard road they had gone through together, and felt thankful that despite everything, he could still think of them as one.

The therapy itself had been a very excruciating experience for Jinki. The whole process brought him to abysmal mood and energy. He was drained, nauseous and cranky by the time he was wheeled out of the treatment room. The sick feeling stayed hours later and forced him to stay awake in pain the whole night. His only salvation was Kibum’s soothing hands that never stopped caressing him; wiping the damp towel on his sweaty forehead, and rubbing his nauseated stomach. He never rested before Jinki was finally able to sleep, and already awake when Jinki opened his eyes the next day.

Sometimes, when the pain was unbearable and his mood was ruined, Jinki would give him even harder times. But Kibum had never complained. Always the same sincere smile was on his face to welcome Jinki in the morning, and took him to bed in the night; always the same gentle touch, and the same loving stare. Kibum had been true to his words, and Jinki knew too well—despite the pain and torment—he had not given up so far, only to be able to wake up and see Kibum’s smile.




The sound of Jinki’s painful groan was the first thing that Kibum heard as he woke up that morning. Alarmed, he quickly turned on the bedside lamp and observed his lover’s pale and sweaty face.

“How do you feel?” He asked while gently rubbed Jinki’s stomach. “Hold on, I’ll make you something warm and bring your medicine.”

Jinki nodded and helplessly watched the younger man left the bed for the kitchen. Cringing, he forced himself to sit, resting his back against the headboard with a great effort. Kibum soon returned with a steaming cup of herbal tea, which warmth provided a comfortable relief for Jinki’s stomach.

“I’m sorry I woke you up so early.” He said while putting down the cup on the nightstand.

Kibum smiled and shook his head.

“Right about time...I must prepare for the trip. Now, try to get some good sleep while I make us breakfast and check the car. I know you were in pain last night, and you didn’t sleep well. Without some extra rest you’ll get exhausted once we reach Seoul, and we’d probably have to skip the chance of meeting the guys.”

Jinki smiled and obediently lied back down. Kibum pulled the blanket up to his chin and kissed him before leaving. Without Kibum’s presence, Jinki suddenly felt fragile. Although he could still hear the noises Kibum made during his activities through the opened door, he could not help but feeling lonely. Living with a terminal disease sometimes made Jinki felt like loneliness was hairline-thin to death itself. And even though he considered himself as a tough person, from time to time he still couldn’t help but surrendered to the terrible thought.




Jinki could not tell how long had he fallen asleep, but it must have been a while because when he woke up once, Kibum had returned to their bedroom. He had brought along the breakfast he cooked, and was standing in front of the dresser to get ready for the trip.

The thought suddenly occurred to him, while he quietly stared at his lover’s back, how much Kibum had given him. The younger man had sacrificed almost everything; bright career, chance to be happy with someone else, and—during the early years of them being together—his relation with his parents who had never agreed to him being a gay, especially when they found out how sick their son’s boyfriend was.

“Kibummie,”

Kibum turned around to see Jinki sat on the edge of the bed and smiled. “Hey…I didn’t know you were awake. Do you felt better already?”

Jinki nodded, and silently watched Kibum came and made up their bed. For the first time after so long, he took a good look on his lover’s face, and realized that Kibum had thin wrinkle defined on his beautiful face.

“You became thinner, Kibummie.” He said.

Kibum looked up, surprised. “Hyung! Why are you suddenly saying that?” He laughed while continuing to plump the pillow.

“I just... I didn’t notice it before.” Jinki smiled. “You look just like the first day we met, with your thin body, natural wavy hair, and—”

“...extra twenty years to my age.” Kibum finished Jinki’s words and laughed again. He came to Jinki’s side and offering his hand to help Jinki to stand. “You’re not in the place to say such thing, with you being that boney. Come on! Since you feel better, I figure we can have breakfast in the garden. The weather is so nice outside, you’ll like it. But first I’ll bathe you.”

While sitting in the bathtub, having Kibum scrubbed his back, Jinki closed his eyes and enjoyed the intimacy between them. The warmth from both the hot water and Kibum’s hand had somehow given him a healthy feeling.

“Kibum...”

“Hmm?”

“Can we not go to Seoul today? I feel like staying home.”

Kibum’s apprehensive frown was unseen by Jinki. “Why? Do you fell unfit for the trip?”

“No, it’s not that.” Jinki shook his head, “In fact, except for the pain earlier, I haven’t felt better for so long.”

“Then why?”

“You see, this morning when I opened my eyes, I looked outside and noticed how beautiful today was going to be—hey, you told me the same thing, right? I thought it would be nice to stay at home, doing nothing but lazing around with you.”

Kibum sighed and put the body scrub down. “You know you can’t miss the treatment, hyung.”

“I know. But can we just...cancel it for a day or two? Please?” Jinki pleaded, he sounded determined to get what he wanted.

“What about the appointment with the guys?”

“We can reschedule as well. I’m sure they’d understand.”

Inside his heart, Kibum felt deeply sorry for his partner. They had been staying at their house for several years, but Jinki actually never had the chance to fully enjoy the nice country atmosphere since he stayed in his bed for most of the time. This morning, he asked for nothing more but to stay at his own home—the place where he felt comfortable the most. Kibum had no heart to say no.

“Alright, I’ll make the call right after breakfast.”

Jinki turned around, their gaze met, and he beamed in satisfaction.




“How was it?” Jinki asked when Kibum joined him in their room.

“The doctor understood, so did Minho. He promised to tell the other about this. Even better, he suggested that the three of them drive here tomorrow, stay the night, and go back to Seoul together with us the day after. How does it sound?”

Jinki looked ecstatic. “What about their schedule? I thought they were busy!”

“Minho said it’s manageable; so I guess there would be no problem.”

Jinki smiled contentedly and asked no more question. Kibum took a seat next to him on the bed, and snuggled to Jinki’s side.

“Mmmm...I love this feeling!” He chuckled.

Jinki smiled as his arms wrapped around the younger one’s shoulder, pulling Kibum closer. “When was the last time you snuggled up to me?”

“Too long,” Kibum pouted, “It’s always the other way around.”

Jinki laughed. “I’m sorry. I can’t help it.”

It was then he sighed, and continued with a more contemplating voice. “I wish—I wish I can be more of a partner for you.”

Kibum looked at him and caught his stare. He raised his hands to cup Jinki’s face. “You’ve given me everything I need by letting me stay.”

He paused for a moment, fingers gently caressed Jinki’s sunken cheek and continued in whisper.

“Jinki-hyung, I...know that things would have been easier if you didn’t have to consider about me in every decision you made. Despite your condition, you’re still trying hard to make a home for me. Staying by your side and help you through all this are the least I can do. In fact, it’s all I want to do.”

The younger man smiled and closed his eyes when his lips pressed on Jinki’s. The subtle contact soon developed into a kiss, as they began to explore each other’s warmth by the movement of their tongue. After a moment, they broke away with panted breath and flushed face.

“I see that whatever the disease took from you, it wasn’t your skill.” Kibum said, contentedly surprised. “God, how I miss your kisses...”

Jinki felt a certain pride dwelled inside his chest. One of the things in their relationship that he felt insecure the most after he became sick, was the matter of their sexual life. Cirrhosis was a brute enemy against sexual drive as well as ability. The question if he could still fulfill Kibum’s need with such body had been haunting him for so long. But hearing Kibum’s remark, knowing by the tone of his voice and the look on his face that he had been serious, was all Jinki need to restore his security.

Jinki smiled and kissed Kibum again. “Kibummie,”

“Hmm?” Kibum lazily answered, feeling too comfortable with Jinki nuzzling against his neck.

“I wanna make you come.”

Kibum opened his eyes, and searched into Jinki’s eyes. “Oh God, I know that look. You’re serious about this.”

“I am.” Jinki raised his eyebrows.

“Hyungie, love, I’d be more than happy to accept that offer, but won’t it tire you too much?”

Jinki chuckled. “We both know too well about many things that we can to make each other come without even sweating, Kibum, or have you forgotten about that?”

“You...” Kibum lost his words and laughed amusedly. “I should have known...”

“So, are you up for it?” Jinki teased.

“Yes!” He replied with the similar tone, and lied down, pulling his lover along.




They lied together in their bed a while later; naked, content and warm. As he enjoyed the lingering pleasure, Kibum felt a tinge of sadness when Jinki’s body rested upon his. It became obvious then, how much the disease had actually eaten Jinki’s body. He almost couldn’t bear the guilt of missing the sense of pleasant submissiveness, having Jinki’s once comfortable weight pinning him down. He looped his arms around Jinki’s upper body, wanting to feel more of his lover, and felt the texture of the ribcage underneath the skin.

The older man was still showering him with endless kisses on his burning skin. Jinki’s fingers stroke the supple skin, caressing Kibum with adoration; his memory recorded every detail his eyes observed.

“I must have done something really good in my past life to meet you...” Jinki said.

Kibum blushed as the proud happiness washed over him. Jinki never failed to make him shy, even after all those years. It was relieving, in spite of everything, that something was there to remind him that it was Jinki, still. The man he loved, no matter how skeleton-like he became, no matter how feather-light he grew to be. He was alive, breathing and warm against his naked skin, and it was all Kibum needed him to be. It was all Kibum needed to know.

The younger man reached for his lover’s scrawny fingers and kissed them affectionately. “I could say the same thing to you.”

They smiled simultaneously and, without any words needed to say, shifted closer in need to feel more of each other’s warmth. And it seemed like nothing else matter when they were in each other arms. They had forgotten of all the pain, suffering, and the uncertainty future might bring.

After a while,

“Hey, look outside!” Jinki whispered sleepily.

“Hmm?” Kibum’s voice was equally lazy.

“The sunshine on the outside pool makes it looks like a liquid mirror.”

Kibum glanced at the direction Jinki referred to. “You’re right. It’s beautiful. We seems to have missed the pretty little detail this house has.”

“I wonder if there will be reflection of the moon as well. I bet it’s beautiful.”

Kibum kissed Jinki lightly and hugged him tighter before responding. “We’re gonna find out about it tonight.”




The sky outside was painted in brilliant evening colors when Kibum stirred awake, alone in their bed. His initial reaction was to panic, since Jinki was nowhere inside the room. It was then that he faintly heard a particular sound—a sound made by an instrument that once was a significant part of their daily life—from the other part of the house. Jinki was playing his piano.

Kibum hastily put on his house robe went to a particular room at the back of the house—one he avoided as much as possible except to clean it, as being inside fueling some bitter memory. Inside, he saw Jinki sat in front of his grand piano; his back straight, and there were music sheets scattered around the room. Kibum came closer silently, and upon recognizing his presence, Jinki looked at him and smiled.

“Hi, I’ve been waiting for you. I’d wake you up myself if you don’t wake up soon.”

Kibum sat by his side on the long piano stool. “What are you doing?”

“Our recent activity made me realized how stiff my fingers became after these years. So I thought some exercise would do me good. It’s too bad that I haven’t use this piano for so long, the keys feel heavy—”

“Hyung,” Kibum interrupted, “don’t you think that you’ve had enough activities for a day? Besides, why piano? Why now, after you’ve given it up for so long?”

Jinki did not answer right away, but simply smiled as he wrote some notes down on the music sheets. “I’m a singer, Kibummie, a musician. This is my call.”

“Still,” Kibum looked uneasy, “I don’t want you to tire yourself out.”

Jinki stared closely at his lover, smiling still, and gently took the younger man by the hand. Kibum let himself being led into Jinki’s embrace, reluctantly enjoyed the way Jinki kissed the crown of his head. He closed his eyes and sighed when Jinki's kisses trailed down to his jaw, along the side of his neck and down to his jutting collarbone.

“The truth is, I’ve been thinking about a certain melody that keeps coming back into my mind. At first I thought I’m gonna wait until it turns itself into a complete song. But since you said that the guys are coming tomorrow, I want to have it ready. I want to see how you guys could split the parts among you four...”

Four of us?” Kibum noticed, and felt a strange uneasiness in his chest. “What are you going to do, watching us singing?”

“Well, someone has to play the piano. And…” Jinki paused, and as he looked away to avoid Kibum’s stare, he let out a nervous laugh. “God knows how much longer I can live, Kibummie. I want at least...just once before—to get back in time, when life was nothing but joy...when nothing had been taken away from me.”

Kibum swallowed as he also looked away, unable to stare at the face of the man he loved, for he fear that he might see the sadness in Jinki’s eyes. It was too heartbreaking, the way Jinki clung on something that was once his only reason to live; Kibum could not imagine what it was like for him. And who was he to take the only thing that Jinki still had as a remnant of who he used to be? Kibum was, afterall, the man who desperately loved Jinki; He'd do anything to make his partner happy, despite.

It took some time for the younger man to gain his self-control. And when Kibum could finally stare back, he had on his feline eyes that playful spark that was long forgotten.

“Let me hear what you got.”




They decided to call it a day when Jinki felt tired. He felt quite satisfied by how far they had worked on the song. All it needed was lyrics to the melody, and how they would split the vocals among them.

Around nine, after taking his medicine, Jinki said he was sleepy. Kibum helped him to freshen up with warm towel before hitting the bed. While Jinki put on his pajamas, Kibum left to make a cup of peppermint tea to soothe his stomach before going to bed.

The younger man climbed to the bed at last, after putting the empty cup back to the sink and adjusting the lamp. He took a book from the bedside drawer, one he had been reading, and continued to read from the point he left the night before. Jinki apparently had not fallen asleep; he shifted closer and rested his head on Kibum’s stomach.

“Hey, Kibummie...”

“Hmm?” Kibum put away his book and caressed Jinki’s thinning hair.

“Tell me what you think about the song.”

Kibum felt a sudden urge to laugh. It was the former leader’s old habit to ask for Kibum’s opinion on every lyrics he wrote and song he composed, regardless the comments had been given by others even before Kibum did.

“It’s good. It needs further arrangement, still, but I like it so far. I think Jonghyun-hyung can help you out tomorrow.”

“Do you honestly mean it?”

“Of course! Don’t you trust me?”

“I do, but...you never said a bad comment to any of my work, so...”

“Why should I, if none of them were bad?”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“What about the others, do you think they will like the song too?”

“I think so. They have no reason not to like it.”

“I hope you’re right. I’ve worked hard on it, so it better be.”

“True, you work too hard.”

Jinki laughed. “I can’t help it! It was fun. Today was fun. I haven’t been happier after so long.”

“I can see it well.” Kibum smiled, “but if you don’t sleep now, you won’t be able to have fun with the others tomorrow.”

“You’re right, I almost forgot! What time are they going to come?”

“They’ll arrive by the time you finish your daily preparation.”

“Good...” Jinki yawned. “I’m tired. Good night Kibummie.”

“Good night, hyungie…”




It was somewhere around midnight when Kibum put down his book and yawned. The story of the book was too interesting that he could not stop until the end. He smiled at the view of his lover who fell asleep with half of his body upon Kibum’s. The younger man carefully leaned and shook Jinki’s shoulder, telling him to move to his own side of bed.

“Jinki-hyung, get to your position you oversized baby...”

Jinki had not moved. Kibum gave another gentle shook at first, only to notice seconds later of the abnormal limpness of Jinki’s body. Kibum began to feel nervous; his hand traveled to Jinki’s neck, pressing his fingers on the vital artery below Jinki’s ear. It was when he failed to find any pulse.

“No...no... Lee Jinki, please...you can’t do this!”

Kibum prayed that he was mistaken and did another check on the other artery for even the weakest pulse. He also checked on Jinki’s heartbeat and pupil. But still, no sign of life was there to find.

“Jinki—you irresponsible jerk! I told you not to get too tired. Why tonight—why don’t you wait? Our friends are eager to see you. I bet they will love to sing together again. Jinki-hyung...”

Kibum shook Jinki’s body once more; this time, he put more strength and Jinki’s body swayed more violently—but equally lifelessly. Nothing, however, that Kibum did could make Jinki opened his eyes again. Kibum felt like there was a sudden weight pressed against his chest; it was like the oxygen was sucked out of his lung all at once. He could hardly take a breath; Kibum had to bite his lower lips and shut his eyes tightly, as if to avoid both pain in his chest and the from the view before his eyes.

It was the moment that he had dreaded for years; Jinki had gone, forever.

In the end, Kibum felt guilty for treating Jinki’s body violently. He took his lover’s hand and brought it closer to his mouth, kissing it so many times.

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry, love. You must be really tired...”

His tears had turned into sobs by the time he held the lifeless body—the body that he had taken care of so tenderly—adjusting his lover’s sleeping position, to the side of bed that belong to him. Finally, just as how he did on the previous nights, Kibum pulled the blanket up to Jinki’s chin, and rested himself down right beside Jinki.

Just before his laid his head upon the pillow, something told him to look outside to the backyard. It was then that he noticed something, from the narrow gap of the curtain draped over their bedroom window. On the surface of pool outside at the backyard of their home, what he saw was a perfect reflection of the round, silvery orb.

“Jinki-hyung, there’s moon on the water.”

Closing his eyes, Kibum allowed himself to shed the final tears for his lover’s departure. He shifted closer still.

Jinki’s body was still warm as it pressed against his.


-fin-


 
 
 
chocolatheiatheia88 on October 15th, 2011 10:25 am (UTC)
spot!!
oh, am i first?
chocolatheiatheia88 on October 15th, 2011 11:19 am (UTC)
NOOO!!!!



WHY YOU DID THIS TO MEEEEE??? WHYYY???

IT'S PAINLY BEAUTIFUL FUCK I'M SO CRYING THAT MY HEAD HURTS ALOT..I'M SOBBING...I CANNOT...

AND THE PICTURE OF KIBUM SINGING JINKI'S SONG WITH THE THREE OTHER MEMBERS LATER



I'M SO DEPRESSED... BETTER FIX MY HEART WITH ONKEY FLUFF NEXT, YOU!

but this is beautiful... you know it's been a long time i cry bcs of fanfic and you made me...

“Jinki-hyung, there’s moon on the water.”


oh fuck i'm crying again *sobs in the corner*
Hyun Joongiebelintuchiha on October 15th, 2011 12:34 pm (UTC)
I was crying so hard and then I saw your comment and the first gif and started laughing so hard lmao, I looked like a crazy person, laughing and crying at the same time LOL
anjustangel on October 21st, 2011 04:07 am (UTC)
Aww baby! I've warned you though!
Also, you've known about the story beforehand (and you cried when I told you about the plot too HAHAH!)

Thank you for reading despite not liking angst, though. I('m not promising but) will (try to) make it up to you :D
(Deleted comment)
anjustangel on October 21st, 2011 04:14 am (UTC)
:~:
Thank you for reading and commenting :)
(Deleted comment)
anjustangel on October 21st, 2011 04:18 am (UTC)
Aww thank you baby!
I can't promising a happy ending fic, cos I'm prone to write angst (and it's my forte) but I will try :D
✖stupidrhapsody on October 15th, 2011 12:23 pm (UTC)
. Especially Minho, who, in state of denial, had punched him hard on his face for ‘making a lousy joke’. He felt greatly sorry afterward, and cried on Jinki’s shoulder while saying that Jinki was someone who least deserve to be sick. That time, Jinki had laughed.

can i die? because that's absolutely how i picture choi minho. that's him. fuck.
fuck.
and jinki died.
anjustangel on October 21st, 2011 04:20 am (UTC)
... are you okay?
Can I assume that you (somehow) enjoy the fic, or at least it worked you up?

thank you for reading and the comment though *chu*
Hyun Joongiebelintuchiha on October 15th, 2011 12:38 pm (UTC)
I don't usually read angts cuz I know I'm gonna end heartbroken and a freaking sobbing mess like right now. But since u wrote it, I had to! Cause I love your fics.. So yeah this is really beautiful and all *punches you* WAE SO SAAAAAAAD. Mend my heart with fluffy onkey ok? XD
anjustangel on October 21st, 2011 04:24 am (UTC)
Ouch! Not my face you *rubs my nose that you punched*
Aww bb, sorry for making you heartbroken but I felt compelled to write this one, and OnKey is the most perfect pairing. I couldn't see anybody else loves and treats Jinki the way Kibum did in this fic.

I can't promise you anything but I will try to make it up. Theia has been nagging me with a smut sequel for Beautiful Soul anyway...
tetsuko_chin: Onkey Warm Hugtetsuko_chin on October 15th, 2011 05:06 pm (UTC)
nooooooooooooooooooooo~
oh my heart~
*cries in a mess*
anjustangel on October 21st, 2011 04:25 am (UTC)
*Offers you tissue*
Thank you for reading :D
yesalmen: andrejyesalmen on October 15th, 2011 05:48 pm (UTC)
T_T you're so good in angst hoho^_^' It must be hard to see the person you love die but it must be even more difficult walking that path together, it takes a lot of courage. I think the worst part of terminal diseases, obviously apart from dying,is the process.

When Onew told Kibum to stay that day in their house and postpone their day's activities, I knew something was odd. It's said that people can feel when he/she will die, I don't know maybe it's true?. And when Kibum woke up and found Jinki's lifeless body TT.

ohhhh I always try to search for your inspiration sources ^^' like the song "Two Princes" in your 2min oneshot^^ I knew I listened that song somewhere, I only found out then. And now the short story "The Moon on the water", I love japanese culture but I've never read japanese literature until now^^ I read that story, thanks to you. I have to say I could recognize the elements of the author and generally speaking, japanese literature in your story(though I have zero knowledge about it hoho but I read something about the author's style),what I find more interesting is how japanese view death ummmm.

It was sad,I ended up almost crying but in a good sense V

thanks for the fic, TT heartbreaking story.
anjustangel on October 21st, 2011 05:21 am (UTC)
OMG bb, I LOVE your comments. Always!
You always seem to take a deeper look to my work and actually see what I want my readers to see. The story is not actually focused on Jinki, but how Jinki and Kibum dealt with the condition together.

I'm glad that in one way or another I helped you to discover a new thing. Kawabata Yasunari is one of many readers whose works I enjoy immensely. To be honest, howeevr, when I read about you recognizing Kawabata yasunari's element in my story, I was worried if you think I'm copying his work/style. But yeah, Kawabata's lyrical melancholy indeed altered my writing more than I recognize I guess, so... *smiles*

thank you for always commenting, dear *loves you*
yesalmenyesalmen on October 21st, 2011 05:40 am (UTC)
ohh no, I could never try to say you copied the author. What I tried(failed) to explain was that I could appreciate in your story themes that the author touched in that short story like death (well, i find it special the way japanese culture thinks about it )

anjustangel on October 21st, 2011 05:50 am (UTC)
Ahhhh! I understand!
Sorry baby, I guess my comprehension failed me. I even asked my boy to read your comment and even after he said that it's just a way that you can feel Kawabata's 'soul' in my story, I'm still apprehensive.

It probably doesn't show, but I'm still conscious about my writing style. I'm still finding means in which I can improve my writing. Also, blame all the academic writing that I have to do at work that in one way or another had created a set-back in my fiction writing. Lol, I'm rambling.

Anyway, I still love you more than you know. I highly regard your comment, not necessarily only because you enjoy them. I hope that if I write something in the future, and it turns out unsatisfying, you would tell me too <3
anjustangel on October 25th, 2011 06:20 am (UTC)
By the way, what's up with Shawol Haven bb?
yesalmen: AP B&W glassesyesalmen on October 25th, 2011 09:55 am (UTC)
OMG I MYSELF DON'T KNOW
I'm not one of the people who created the community, I'm only a moderator and I make the banners when it's my turn but the ones who direct the community idk why they haven't been posting the challenges. I suppose they are really busy and have some life's matters to care for, idk?
but I hope they post another challenge soon^^'
anjustangel on October 25th, 2011 10:59 am (UTC)
:o
I thought you were involved in calling the challenge and such. I mean, it will be easier to have the person in charge for each challenge rotated for each mod. But that's just me. I'm sure there's various considerations.

Yeah, I hope so too! Challenges always raise the adrenaline level in me. It makes me feel accomplished whenever I entered a challenge (says someone who works 10-12hrs a day and still bringing work home -_-;)
yesalmen: AP skinyesalmen on October 25th, 2011 11:07 am (UTC)
hohoho what I miss is making banners^^' (cause my creativity don't get along with writing, I prefer graphics or drawing ) and reading fics.

Edited at 2011-10-25 11:08 am (UTC)
Sooanselson on October 15th, 2011 07:59 pm (UTC)
jinki had kibum by his side 24/7 woa lucky yo man :333 lol
its beautifully sad no its beautiful!
write more ^-^
anjustangel on October 21st, 2011 05:43 am (UTC)
Yes he is ^^ Jinki is like the world for Kibummie :D
Thank you for reading :D
emptycavernemptycavern on October 16th, 2011 03:33 pm (UTC)
I already knew from the moment I read the first 3 lines that this was going to be another one of those horribly sad yet beautiful fics. I know, because I've read your work before and you write so well...

I have to say you didn't disappoint me for this. There's something about character death in OnKey fics that I dig (do I sound like a sadist now?) because it always shows their strong and undying love for each other, never bailing even when things get hard.

I honestly felt a part of me died along with Jinki. Thank you for writing this <3
anjustangel on October 21st, 2011 06:00 am (UTC)
Aww! Baby, I'm so happy to read your comment, really ;~;
It sounds so wrong cos you were sand and I'm happy but seriously, I appreciate your comment.
And yes, yes! The main message I wish to convey in the story is Jinki's and Kibum's undying love, to the extent that they thought of each other in every single thing they did.

Can't thank you much for reading and appreciating my story. Thank you!
snhiromisnhiromi on October 16th, 2011 07:38 pm (UTC)
T___________________________T
it was so beatiful! OnKey <3 forever
i don't have words , sorry it was too sad TT TT
why??!! jinki why do you have to die?
anjustangel on October 21st, 2011 06:30 am (UTC)
Aww bb! That's how the story goes, I'm sorry :'(
Thank you, though, for reading and commenting :D
akira1710: onyuunyuakira1710 on October 16th, 2011 10:48 pm (UTC)
oh.. it's so sad.. to know that Jinki had a liver disease is depressing enough and then you make him died.. WHY!!! fyi i'm crying right now~
but is so beautiful the way kibum always beside jinki and take care of him, never once doubting his feelings for him until the end.. *hiks.. hiks* sorry still sobbing~
Thank you for this fic.. next time write fluff! OnKey okay *no pressure* XD
anjustangel on October 21st, 2011 07:10 am (UTC)
Aww, sorry ;~;
Yeah, Kibum and Jinki are like an entity. i'm honestly worried of how Kibum would do after Jinki gone.
Thank you for reading and commenting :D
(Deleted comment)
anjustangel on October 21st, 2011 07:34 am (UTC)
Aww baby you're so cute!
Thank you for the kind comment. And I'm sorry that it makes you sad :'(
shinyshawolshinyshawol on March 24th, 2013 10:42 am (UTC)
this is way too heartbreaking. when the news of jinki terminally ill isn't enough, you started to torture me with the news of his death! T.T
anjustangel on September 6th, 2013 07:05 am (UTC)
I'm sorry ;;
I just want to point out how key's love is unwavered by any possible bad news!
Thank you for reading <3